Yoga

My trip to the gym this morning at 6 am, with my partner in crime, Bo, came early and slightly harsh after a short night sleep. It is now getting dark very early at night and the sun is even more hesitant than I am to rise in the mornings. I dressed groggily in the dark and stepped out into the cold morning, exhausted but motivated because I have someone to meet me there. As I walked toward the doors a man commented, "another morning in paradise!" My response at 5:55am was "is that where we are?!" I wasn't sure if he meant Maine or the gym, but after a second I found myself smiling that regardless, this man had given me a nice reminder that I am lucky to be where I am. It might be cold and early and I might be heading in for some mild torture, but really, it all comes from my own choices, and I have chosen them for a reason. My life is what it is because I have made purposeful choices and I am trying very hard to remember that and not complain about them. You are responsible for your own choices, your own happiness, your own life. You can't control everything that happens to you, try as you might, but you can control the way in which you receive your experiences and the way you choose to handle them. I am tired of thoughts that life happens TO me, and I'm becoming more aware of how to embrace that I make my own choices and choose my own path. I have (at least some of) the control, and my choices are mine and right for me.

Bo joined me for yoga this morning, his first (and perhaps last) experience. I am so proud of him for giving it a go as just a week ago he was very clear that he would not be joining me for yoga, but would do his own work out at the gym while I did my class. He would Yoda while I did yoga. Much more his speed. However, this morning, he tried something new. I searched for some advice for him, or perhaps a warning, so that he wouldn't judge it too quickly and be too hard on himself. I told him it is challenging, it takes a few times to get the feel for it and to stop feeling completely awkward, that he should go at his own pace and not worry if he doesn't get it all this time... I remember my first few times, which spanned several years; I left feeling like yoga wasn't for me, that my body just didn't DO that... but somehow over time I have circled around to enjoying it. It was a broad circle and I am not completely in love with it. I don't live for yoga, I don't feel like I can't live with it, but I recognize that it brings something to my life. I recognize that it is more than physical exercise, stamina and perseverence. It is more than mentally challenging to get through the poses and finish the class each time. It is a mentality for life. The focus, determination and energy that goes into the routine teaches me, reminds me, of lessons that I take with me throughout the day. Yoga has taught me to be kind to myself. It has taught me to keep trying, that it is ok to go at my own pace, and that I CAN do what I set my mind to, even if it isn't perfect and complete the first or even second time. It has helped to teach me that my way of being, my choices, my journey is just that, mine. And it's ok if it's different than other people's.

After class ended I turned to Bo to see a serious, strained and possibly irritated look on his face. I asked him if he hated me... his response was, "Yes, we are no longer friends. Tell Drake I will miss him." But the wonderful thing about Bo is that he is light hearted, happy and kind, and before long he was smiling and joking as he described his state of pain and the amount that he would be complaining all day. I only felt a little bit sorry for him, mostly because I was proud of him for stepping outside his comfort zone and trying something new, even if in the end it isn't for him. And also because I will soon be doing the same, when we try spinning class for what might be not my first, but possibly my last time. :)

To each his own.

Namaste.